Faithful Doubts
John 20:19–31
March 30, 2008
University Christian Church, Seattle, WA
Rev. Sandy Messick

• I have questions for God. I wonder about things I read in scripture and wish I could ask, “Did it really happen this way?” I look at the world around me and the beauty of creation and wonder, “Why did you place an abundance of resources in one area, and a scarcity of resources in another area? Didn’t you know that we humans would selfishly divide it up so some have much while others have almost nothing?” And then I wonder, at a much more shallow level, “Why did you create mosquitoes and fleas, and what were you thinking when you arranged the parts of the giraffe?” I have questions for God. And I know you have questions for God. And together we have questions for God. How do we get out of Iraq in such a way that we don’t leave it worse than we found it? How do we engage radical fanatics of any religion who see killing others as God’s call and command? How do we live in peace with one another and with our environment when we are, so often, so selfish at heart? We pray, “Thy will be done” but what is God’s will for us, and how do we know? We have questions for God. And we long for direct, clear answers from God. As one person once said, “Oh, how I long for the unambiguous word of God.
• And then someone, some well meaning someone, will tell us we just need to have faith. And a part of us knows that. But another part of us knows that doubts and questions are a part of faith.
• Dostoyevski is quoted as saying, “It’s not as a child that I believe and confess Jesus Christ. My hosanna is born of a furnace of doubt.”
• Miguel de Unamuno, a famous Spanish novelist and poet of the early 1900s said it a different way, “Faith which does not doubt is dead faith.”
• Thomas was one with both faith and doubts. Thomas the Disciple who before our scripture reading was called, “Thomas the Twin,” but after the resurrection appearance recorded in John is forever known as Doubting Thomas. For the record, I think history has judged him unfairly.
• Before the resurrection it was Thomas that showed a practical, steadfast faith. In the story of Lazarus that we heard a few weeks ago, when Jesus said he was going to Bethany others discouraged him. “Jesus, if you go near there, the authorities may try to kill you.” But Thomas said to the others, “Let us go with Jesus, and if we die, we die.” In the upper room, on that night when Jesus was betrayed, according to the gospel of John, Jesus was waxing on poetically about going before them to his Father’s house, and in that house there were many rooms and Jesus was going to prepare the place for them. And you know the way I am going.” And it was Thomas, practical Thomas who interrupted all of this flowery speech and said what everyone else was thinking, “Jesus, where are you going? We don’t know the way,” to which Jesus responded, ”I am the way.”
• But now after the resurrection, practical, faithful Thomas becomes Doubting Thomas, and all because he wasn’t there that first evening. All because he wasn’t there in the upper room that evening after the resurrection when Jesus appeared.
• Where was he when everyone else was hiding? Where was Thomas when the rest of the disciples were huddled around in fear? Was he at the empty tomb, mourning his loss with the women, hearing again the stories of resurrection? Maybe he just went out for a drink, a quick smoke, a chance to forget. Maybe he wasn’t as afraid as the others, and was out being practical, buying food and provisions and checking out the political scene. Wherever he was that night, he wasn’t where Jesus was.
• So when he returned, to hear “Jesus is alive!” Jesus was just here! Thomas said, “I don’t believe it.”
• Thomas wanted proof. “Unless I see him, unless I touch him, unless I am touched by him, I can’t believe.” It’s too frightening, too scary, too threatening, because what if we’re wrong. What if this really is just a ghost, or a mirage, or wishful thinking. What if Jesus really is dead? What if we get our hopes up for nothing?
• Thomas wanted proof. And we’re no different. We even take pride in it. Missouri proudly proclaims themselves to be the “Show Me State.” No fools are they. They want proof. We have sayings like, “The proof is in the pudding, and you’ve got to see it to believe it.”

• Thomas wanted proof. Now, you can condemn him for doubting, or think less of him for his apparent lack of faith, but Jesus…well Jesus’ response was to simply give him proof. And to offer him peace.
• Jesus appeared again to the Disciples and this time, Thomas was there. And just like in the first appearance, Jesus’ first words were, “Peace be with you.” And then he invited Thomas to come and see, come and touch, come and experience. Don’t doubt for a moment that the risen Christ is in your midst.
• Scripture doesn’t say for sure, but it doesn’t appear that Thomas needed to touch Jesus after all. He simply heard his words, fell at his feet, and uttered an astounding confession of faith, “My Lord, and My God.”

• You’ve probably heard sermons in the past that focused on Jesus’ last words in this passage, “You believe because you have seen, but blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe.” I’ve preached such sermons.
• I’ve pointed out that Hebrews 11 says “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” And I’ve stressed that faith is believing in even that which cannot be proven.
• And I still believe that.
• But maybe I’ve grown a little older, and perhaps age has left me a little less sure that I’ve got all the answers. After all, I had parenting all figured out until the day Sarah was born, and I knew all about being a pastor until my first Sunday leading a church. So maybe, as we grow in our faith, we come to find ourselves more like Thomas, not less. One who has more questions than answers, but who can know that the questions themselves are a mark of faith.
• Like Thomas, I know what it’s like to wonder, and question, and struggle with why things are the way they are, and where is God when bad things happen, and how are we to know what God would have us do and how could God truly know me inside out, and love me anyway.
• Like Thomas, I know what it’s like to doubt. And maybe you do too
• So it is good news for me, and for you, to know that when Thomas doubted, Jesus didn’t condemn.
• When Thomas said, “I don’t believe,” Jesus responded with “Peace be upon you,”
• When Thomas said, “I need proof,” Jesus said, “Here I am.”
• No wonder Thomas replied, “Jesus, my Lord and my God

• Maybe for us, faith isn’t the absence of doubt. Maybe for us, faith is the willingness to believe in the face of our doubts. And thanks be to God that in the midst of our doubts, Jesus offers peace. Peace through the inner conviction that God is present even when God is silent. Peace through a community of believers that believes for us when we can’t believe for ourselves. Peace to live into the future not because we can see the future, but because we know who holds the future.
• Madeleine L’Engle once wrote, “I will have nothing to do with a God who cares only occasionally. I need a God who is with us always, everywhere, in the deepest depths as well as the highest heights. It is when things go wrong, when good things do not happen, when our prayers seem to have been lost, that God is most present. We do not need the sheltering wings when things go smoothly. We are closest to God in the darkness, stumbling along.”
• And Rainer Maria Rilke, a German poet, said it this way, “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart. And try to love the questions themselves.”

Peace be with you. And may God bless you on your quest, doubts and wonders and questions and all.